You never forget your first Love
by words end here
Summary: Nathan looks back, and wonders on what could have been... Oneshot.


**You never forget your first Love**

I fell in Love with her the moment I met her.

Wild, blond curls framed her face. Those piecing green eyes which looked into my soul. Her sarcastic attitude.

The walls she built around her heart; walls which secured that little piece of her that was all her own. With the exception of Brooke.

I really wish I seen that piece of her. Of course I couldn't. It would take forever and I still could never have broken them down.

We started dating when we were both fifteen. I had my eyes on her for months. I asked her several times to go out, but she always declined. She wouldn't give me a chance. It was because I'm Nathan Scott, Mr.Basketball. I'm Nathan Scott, Mr.Popular. I'm Nathan Scott, the type of guy who charms a girl to get into her pants and then ditches her the next day.

But Peyton was different. Even now, I can't exactly put my finger on it, but there was just something about her, a presence. She made me nervous, she made me want to step up and be the guy I knew I could always be.

"_You're the man I always knew you could become Nate."_

I grew afraid. Once Peyton was officially my girlfriend, I only treated her badly. On the surface, our relationship was sex. Maybe even to her it was just sex. All I know is that to me, it wasn't just sex.

And that's when he came into my life. Into our lives. Lucas Scott, the brooding blond outsider who just seemed to waltz into her life and the walls would just crumble to pieces. Of course I was intimidated. Every time she looked at him, you could tell he was breaking down the walls, piece by piece with every day that passed. They had the same taste in music, art and literature.

Let's just say me and Peyton never really got that far.

They're married now. Peyton Elizabeth Scott. Sometimes, we would take and joke around about marriage. There was one time were I just called her Mrs.Scott for one whole week. I loved the way she always flushed when I called her that…

Then she got so annoyed that she threatened no sex for a week.

So I had to reconsider.

Haley James came along. I used her to get to Lucas, Peyton dumped me and I wasn't sure I could go on. Haley lifted me up, she reawakened me and she worked her way into my heart, she showed me that there actually was life after Peyton. She has given me a son, and I love her for it, I do.

Sometimes that's not enough when you're in love with Peyton Sawyer.

It's wrong and I'm not going to deny that. I have a wife and a son. But some things just can't be helped. Everytime I see her, my heart still skips a beat. When she returned to Tree Hill, that's when I felt happy for the first time in months. And I try to hide it, I do. I just clear my throat and look away. I try to be a friend. And I settle for friendship because I know that's as close as I can get. I'm grateful. Whenever she looks at me and I can see her from the corner of my eye and I know no other person on the planet can make me feel as much as I feel for her.

Its torture, it really is. To know that you can't have the one thing you want most of the world… well, I never thought it would be this way.

I see her everyday. I pretend to be fine, even though those eyes of hers look into mine and she just knows that it's not okay. Then I go home to my wife, the woman I have sworn myself to. The woman who I know is just not my soul-mate. The woman who is great, but not Peyton. The woman who deserves a husband; who is actually in love with her. Now it's over… it's been over for some time. I know it will never happen again. We just weren't meant to be. There is no "we" anymore. All I have are the memories.

I have a wife who loves me despite my flaws. I have a son who I love above everything else. And I also have a woman I love, a woman I have loved for years, and she's the woman I can never have.

A woman as she walks up to the altar, I wish I was the man making that special commitment to her…

**Hope you enjoyed, even though it was rushed and it could have been so much better. Reviews are appreciated! x**


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